Sweety, don\'t ever forget that God loves you so much no matter what happens! It sounds like you\'re blaming yourself for a lot of things, and God wants you to know that it is NOT your fault! It\'s not your fault that you were raped, that is the fault of the person who did such to you. God does not want you to kill yourself and I know there are people who love and care about you! So your mom and you don\'t get along too well, but that doesn\'t mean she doesn\'t love you! I recommend you just go somewhere quiet and be with God. Talk to Him. He wants to hear from you and although u may not always hear Him He is listening and hears everything you say! God is the best listener! God bless you and guide you. In Christ, AM