Blonde In Pain:

A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."

"What do you mean?" said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."

The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why yes," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."

House On Fire:

This blonde called 911, screaming "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam, please calm down. I need to get some information from you".

Again the blonde yelled "Help me, Help me my house is on fire".

The dispatch said "Mam calm down, How do we get to your house?".

The blonde replied "Duh... In the big red truck".

On Highway:

One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You retard that's your air freshener."

Painting the Kitchen:

There was a Blonde and her husband.

One morning the husband leaves for work and the blonde gets up. She's determined to prove to her husband that blondes arn't dumb, by painting the kitchen.

When her husband gets home he says to his wife "Honey why do you have 3 coats on?"

The blonde says, "Well the directions on the paint said to use three coats for best results."

The Exams:

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within a half an hour, she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on...

She replied, "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers!!"

Yell For Help:

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."

A Blondes Year:

A Blonde's Year in Review

* January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight

* February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ...Helllooo!!! ... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

* March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

* April
Trapped on the Macy's escalator for hours after the power went out!!

* May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

* June
Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

* July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition ..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

* August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm ... car swamped because soft- top was open.

* September
The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

* October
Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.

* November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

* December
Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

* Repost so we can get some more laughs!!!!!!!!! Created By,

Kayla

Login