We celebrate Fourth of July with three words that start with the letter F: flags, fireworks and food. (It used to be five words, but floss and forklifts got voted off for not being as fun.)

Traditional food includes a barbeque. Historians believe guys invented the barbeque.

Pete: I've got an idea. Let's take these plates of meat and beans-and go outside!

Daniel: We can even cook the meat outside!

George: Better yet, let us combine the meat and beans together!

Pete: Don't tell the girls-or they'll bring coleslaw or fruit!

Guys made the first fireworks, too, but early ones were primitive.

Loc: Wonder what happen when Loc throws fire on pile of black powder?

Thor: Throw fire and see!

[AMAZINGLY LOUD BOOM]

Loc: Loc missing nose now.

Thor: Thor's knees on fire-and hair gone.

Loc: Let's do it again!

These early experiments proved two things: Knees are flammable, and guys like things that explode. Most won't be excited if you yell, "I have the prettiest sparklers!" But you'll get their attention with, "My dad has these firecrackers that can launch a moose over the state line!"

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This article appeared in Brio & Beyond magazine in July 2007. Copyright © 2007 Patrick Dunn. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.