Well, guys, I wrote a story and I like it, so I wanted to share it with you guys. Please take the time to read it.
Legacy
A tremendous feeling of emptiness was killing me. I was worthless. If I could do something to change right now, I would, but I was powerless. My life was a shell of what it used to be and there was absolutely no way that I could change back. My conscience screamed at me every morning. I was full of guilt. My name is Ruben Gonzalez, and in the short time that I have been on this earth, I had failed my family, my loved ones, and myself.
This was a typical day for me. I would wake up, go get ready, pick up my things for school, and take the bus. From there, however, things were far from normal. Instead of going to class first period, I would go to the bathroom and do some weed with my friends. From there, it was off to class, and, since I was clearly high, I would fail any assignment that they threw at me. After school, I would go to a girl's house, a different one every two weeks, since I tended to bounce from girl to girl. Later, it was off to my house where I would greet my mom, who asked me how my "studying" went, and go up to my room where I would do some more drugs. I then proceeded to pass out, to begin the cycle all over again. My mom was oblivious to this, but that was just the way I wanted it. If my family found out that I was even going down this kind of path, I would lose their respect, their honor, and worst of all, their trust.
I wasn't always this way, though. In middle school and in the beginning of high school, I was a model son and student. Two years before, I was at the top of my class, the very pinnacle of perfection. I had straight A's, I was a nice guy, and I was dedicated, but most of all I had my mind focused on one thing. How was I going to make an impact on the world? In what ways could I serve God, my parents, my school, my church, and my family? How could I be better in everything I did? I was definitely a goal-oriented guy. However, there was one thing that I could not stand. I hated it, the word, the meaning, the implications, everything about it. It made me feel as if I was in a whirlpool, losing all hope for air. That dreaded, hated word, was loneliness.
"Loneliness," oh, how I despised that word. That word brought sadness and pensiveness just by the mere mention of it. That was my weakness, and that was what would end up being my downfall. All around me, my friends were rapidly succumbing to peer pressure. They began to drink, party, have promiscuous sex, and do any other iniquity that could be thought of. I was alone, but not only that, I was thinking about becoming a part of it.
It began slowly, first, with a sip of alcohol, then a little puff of a cigarette. I didn't like it, but I kept coming back for more, and before I knew it I was addicted to drugs. I tried to fight it, I really did, but it was too late. It was as if I had been strapped into a roller coaster, and I had to let it take me for the ride.
Since I could not detain it, I reluctantly decided to embrace it. With that decision, I became one with the very thing I had utterly detested a year before. I would take drugs on the weekends so that I could drown out the guilt I felt for what I had done the weekend before, so, naturally, it became an endless cycle. It was the only source of pleasure that could bring my mind off of the sickening reality of the world around me. This was literally tearing me apart, but quite frankly, I stopped caring.
I had made a new friend, my drug buddy, Felix. Felix was just like me. He loved to party, be with girls, and clown around. We even had the same past. We were both good boys gone bad, and that made a sense of trust that we had with no one else. If we had something serious to say, we were going to tell it to each other, while sharing a bit of marijuana, of course. One typical morning, while we were skipping first period, Felix had absolutely nothing to say, which was sort of strange, but then, suddenly, he spoke up.
"Ruben," he said hesitantly.
"Yeah," I replied eager to make conversation. Felix sighed.
"A few nights back, my dad found out that I've been smoking. At first, I denied it, but he said that he had seen me a few nights before. It was strange. He didn't seem mad, just disappointed."
I shuddered, for I would die if my parents found out that I was doing drugs. I was quite interested in Felix's story.
"He asked me a question that I hadn't considered, and at first I brushed it off, but it made me think." Felix paused, obviously nervous. "What am I going to do with my life? Where is the life I am living going to take me? Is this just a waste of time? What about my children and my legacy?"
At that point, I closed off. This could not be happening. Was Felix about to return to his old ways? I could not let this happen, for if Felix, my only true friend, left me, I would be all alone. Loneliness would suck me into the dreaded sea of pain. I had to stop him. Felix continued.
"I want to stop smoking Ruben. I want to stop drinking and partying and playing around with girls. I want to, no, I have to redeem myself." I stared at Felix, and I started to get desperate, so I spoke up.
"You can't. I mean, you can't. Even if you do go back, no one will accept you anyway. I mean, c'mon! Your old friends hate you, your parents will never forgive you, and the whole world thinks that you're a failure. You have to realize that if you have no future living this kind of life, then you definitely have no future living that kind!" I wanted to believe the words that I had just uttered. I really did, and I definitely hoped Felix would; he didn't.
"I don't care anymore, Ruben! I want to be different. I mean, I remember the old days. The days when I didn't have to dread waking up in the morning because of the guilt that ate me up. I miss the days when I could walk down the street with a genuine smile and not have to depend on drugs to bring me joy. I miss the days when I had hope, hope for the future. I want to change, and not even you can change my mind." Felix paused, stared off into space, and thought for a moment. When he looked at me, his eyes had softened, and they had genuine emotion in them.
"Dude, I don't want to see you this way, either. I mean, look at yourself, whether you admit it or not. You're miserable! I know that we can change, and that we can change for the better." I could not believe that he was saying all of this. Felix was really going to leave me all alone. Well, if he was, then he was not going to leave without some of my retribution. I polished my words like a dagger.
"Shut up!" I had made my first thrust. "If you don't want to do this anymore, then fine, leave! Get out of my face, before I do something that I regret... Leave!" My attacks had worked. Felix was obviously wounded, for his face said it all. But then, he did something that made me turn upside down, something that put anger into every fiber of my being. He smiled, turned around slowly, and left. He was mocking me! He had walked away smiling. Hatred burned deep inside me. Any feelings of friendship had been replaced with feeling of contempt. I hated him. I turned the opposite way and walked home. I had left there a different person, and so had Felix.
Over the next few months, Felix sent me countless E-mails, all of which I ignored. He was telling me to meet him in the parking lot of his church, so he could give me something. He was definitely cynical. Oh, the arrogance! It enraged me. He wanted me to change, but I knew that I never would. Felix, however, did change. Just about every aspect of his life did. He made new friends, had good grades, went to church, and was in just about every volunteer service in town. Felix was obviously flaunting his newfound blessings at me, and I hated him for it. I was alone, while Felix had tons of friends, I was failing all my classes, while Felix had all A's. Worst of all, however, was the fact that Felix was sober, while I was more addicted to drugs than ever before. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was jealous of Felix. I was drowning in envy. Why could he change and not me? Why did I have to be bound to these drugs?
One dark evening, as I was walking home from school, alone, Rodney approached me. Rodney was the town's main drug dealer. He had something for anyone who wanted some, at a price, of course. Rodney was known to go pick up his debts personally, and if you did not have the money on time, he was known to mangle, torture, and even kill whoever was stupid enough to try to play with him. But I had paid off my debts, so I was surprised that he was looking for me.
"Hey, punk, where is your friend?" Friend, oh, how I missed that word.
"I don't know who you are talking about," I replied. Rodney slammed me up against the wall.
"Don't play with me. You punk friend Felix owes me hundreds of bucks, and he's way past overdue. I think it's time for him to repay his debt in blood, so tell me where he is, if you do not want some of what he's getting."
I smiled as I calmed Rodney down. This was the perfect opportunity. I would finally get my revenge. Yes, Rodney would definitely obtain his revenge, but so would I. The day would finally come when Felix would get what was coming to him. I eagerly anticipated the day.
The E-mail Felix sent me that week was different. It sort of had a desperate tone. It seemed as if Felix did not want, but needed to see me on Saturday. He was almost begging. Had I been wrong? Was Felix actually trying to take away my loneliness, instead of flaunt his new life? Should I cancel the plan? No, I could not do that. I couldn't fall into Felix's games. The plan would take place, and I would get my revenge. For the first time, I answered Felix's E-mail.
That Saturday, I sat in the church, smoking a cigarette eagerly waiting for Felix to arrive. Something was not right, however, that night's forecast had said it was going to be sunny, but instead, rain clouds were gathering on the horizon. Before I could give it much thought, however, Felix arrived, smiling, except, this time, his smile did not infuriate me; instead it made me feel guilty. Felix seemed genuinely glad to see me.
"Hey Ruben, I am so glad you came." He was speaking as if we had never even fought. I did not want him to feel too comfortable, so I answered rudely.
"Well, I'm here, so what do you want?" Felix's eyes got soft again.
"Dude, this is the thing. You are my best friend." Those words echoed through my ears. Was he being sincere? His tone of voice was genuine, and the truthfulness of his eyes was unmistakable. Suddenly, a knot formed in my stomach.
"Because of that, I really do care about where your life goes."
What? Could this be possible? Felix was actually sincere. Could it be that Felix had been sincere the whole time? Everything pointed to it. He had sent the countless E-mails month after month not because he was trying to show-off his new life, but because he cared about me and what I was going through. I had been wrong! When I thought about it, it made total sense. Felix knew how loneliness swells up inside of you, and because of that, he did not want to let me rot in it. He really did care! All of the hatred for my heart dissipated. I once again had a friend, and an awesome one at that. Suddenly, Reality hit me and grabbed me by the throat. I realized that I had to do something.
"Felix, we have to get out of here now!" I tried to pull him, but Felix resisted.
"What? Why?" His voice was oblivious to the sudden madness that was about to ensue.
"Shut up and listen. If you do not leave right now, then you are going to die!
At that very moment, I heard Rodney laugh a sickening cackle. From there, it was as if everything occurred in slow motion. I heard two blasts. My ears began to ring. Then there came a horrible, blood curdling yelp, and Felix collapsed. I knew it was going to happen, but this was definitely not what I was expecting. Had I really concocted such a plan that involved such horrors? Was I really capable of murdering my best friend?
"No!" I cried, "Please don't die. Please don't die! I'm sorry. I am sorry. I did not mean to do this to you. I didn't know. No! Please God do not do this, please!
Felix's face had lost that luster that characterized him so well. With all the strength he could muster, Felix slowly moved his hand to his right pocket. It was as if he had aged a hundred years. Was he was really dying? He forced a piece of paper out and flung it at me.
"I am so sorry, Felix. Please, I beg you, forgive me."
People had begun to crowd around us, but I did not care. I heard them mention something about a kid named Rodney being caught by the police, but it did not affect me. It was as if a stone wall, that blocked us from the outside world, had been built around us. At that moment, I saw the wounds, one in his stomach and one in his chest. Then I saw Felix's face. He was smiling.
"Felix, forgive me, please," I whimpered. I had to go get help, but I was motionless.
"Dude...I already...did." With those last words, the last remaining bits of life and vitality escaped from him. He had died.
Desperate waves of sorrow ran through my body. The raging oceans overflowed from my heart. It couldn't be. The only one who cared about me had died! The only one who cared about me and knew me and understood me was gone. The whole world had crashed around me and now I was completely alone. Even though I did not know it, Felix had always been watching out for me, worrying about me, but now, I was truly alone. There was no one I could trust and confide in, and the worst part was, that I had brought all of it on myself. I could not take it. I just could not. I took one last sorrowful look at Felix, pushed through the crowd, and ran. I ran for somewhere where I could ease this horrible pain that I was drowning in. No drug in the world could do it, I knew that much. The pain was too intense, the water too deep. Because of that, I knew that the only way was death. I had to die. It was only fair. Felix had died, so why shouldn't I?
I ran to the pier. The tumultuous waters were roaring. This was the best way. I was already drowning in the pain, so I might as well drown in the water. I took one closer to the water, and all of a sudden, it began to look very attractive. I took another step closer and it began to rain. "A fitting end," I thought. I took another, then another, and with each step came peace and relief. I got to the last step. The pain, after all of these years, was finally going to end.
Just then, I remembered. I had forgotten about the paper Felix had thrown out of his pocket, the fruits of his final efforts. I had to read it. "But why couldn't I just wait until I met him on the other side?" I thought. No, Felix was in Heaven, and I could never join him there. I had to read it now. I took out the paper, which was soaked in water, and began to read.
"Dear Ruben,
If you are reading this, then that means that you decided to meet me at the church. I really am glad. Dude, I need to tell you some things, and I know you will pay more attention if you read it rather than hear it. I still care about you, man. You are my very best friend, but the reason I have not talked to you is because I know that you are hard-headed, just like me. But dude, just hear me out.
I know that you are hurting and I know that you are mad at the world right now. I know that you are lonely, but you definitely do not have to stay that way. Life makes absolutely no sense unless you have a reason to live. The way that I was living had no purpose, and no drive behind it. I was just living just for the sake of living, trying to drown out the pain inside of me, and I know that the same goes for you.
However, I found a real purpose for life, something that changed me from the inside out. I want to be able to talk to kids who have gone through the same rushing whirlpool of pain that I did and help them get back on solid ground. I want them to realize that they are not alone, that if they stick their heads out of the water, then they will see countless people who care about them and love them. Dude, I want to help make an impact on the youth of today, but most of all, I want you to do it as well.
Like I said, I know that sorrow is swelling up inside you. I know that you think that you are alone, that no one cares about you, but you are wrong. God loves you, your family loves you, and I still am your friend. Get your head out of the toilet man. I know that you can change.
Dude, I decided that I want to change the world. I decided that I want to make a mark on the sands of time, and I know that you can too. Man, just think about it. I know that you want to get out of the sea of loneliness and pain. You have the chance to do it now, so please, take it.
Your friend,
Felix"
I broke down and cried. I cried and cried and cried. I fell to my knees and cried and prayed and cried some more. I asked God to forgive me and to help me forgive myself. I could not stop crying, for it was as if all of the sorrow and loneliness were spilling off of his face. After many hours of crying, I fell asleep on the pier. It was a deep, profound sleep.
"Hey kid, wake up!" I thought it was Felix, but a shove brought me back to reality. It was the owner of the pier. "Did you sleep here kid? How long have you been on here? You need a ride home?"
"No, thank you. I am fine." That was the first time I had said these last three words in succession in an extremely long time. Just before I left the pier, I noticed that the rain had stopped and that the sea waters were calm and serene.
From that moment on, I decided to change. I apologized to my parents, my true friends, and anyone else that I had hurt. I decided to go to rehab, so that I could stop using drugs, and within a year, I was completely free. I started to go to church where I found a God and people and friends that I could relate to. Finally, I was free. I could finally move on. I could finally live a life that was actually worth living. I was happy.
As the years have passed, I have decided to influence people, just like Felix influenced me. I go around talking to young people in schools, hoping that I can talk them out of living in the world of drugs. I hope that I will be able to give hope to the many young people who are living in the endless waterfall of hate and resentment. However, I do not do this only for me. I do this to honor the memory of the kid who decided to rise up in the face of insurmountable odds and be the difference. I do this to honor the memory of the kid who tried so hard to help out his friend that he died trying. I do this so that through me, Felix Rodriguez may realize his dream of making a permanent mark on the sands of time.
By Alex U.
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