APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
B. A tattoo? __Yes __No
C. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue
(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend ________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: A woman's place is in the:
______________________________________________________________
B: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________________________________________
C. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
D. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
______________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name)
_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature
_______________________________ ________________________________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine.
Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating .
Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a pizza, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
Rule Three:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'
Rule Four:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Five:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Six:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Seven:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . The voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.