Paul St John

Have you noticed that people are more apt to communicate via cellphone, text message, e-mail, or any means OTHER THAN face-to-face conversation.  I work as a Pastoral Counselor and one of the trends I have been faced with is the fall true communication.  I cannot tell you how many times I have worked with couples who met online, thought they had “great chemistry,” and ended up getting married without taking the time to get to know each other face-to-face.  Then they wonder why, after they got married, they didn’t know how to talk to each other.

 

When communicating in any other mode than face-to-face, we can be whoever we want to be, we can portray any persona we choose.  It’s called “acting” and is pretend (being not completely real). One of the first things I hear when dealing with these couple is “He/She has changed from the person I knew online.”  Here’s a little tidbit of information: It’s difficult to continue to be that online persona if it is anything other than your true self.

 

Let me explain something: Nagging, yelling, shrieking, throwing things, and the “silent treatment” are NOT good communication methods and actually are a display of underdeveloped communication skills.  By the same token: farting, belching, scratching, grunting, and pointing are also NOT good communication methods and actually are a display of underdeveloped communication skills. 

 

Good communication skills include (but are not limited to): facial expression, eye contact, touch, tone of voice, each person being allowed to present their ideas and point-of-views without interruption, willingness to admit when wrong, the willingness to ask for and give forgiveness.  One of the first questions I pose to any couple is: “Do you laugh about the same things?”  The reason for this is that having a similar sense of humor is an enormous building block that can serve as one of the anchoring stones when building a relationship.  There are those, believe it or not, who do not seem to possess a sense of humor at all.  They are in a state of intensity all the time.  While such people are quite intriguing, such a constant state of intensity reveals a truly undeveloped sense of social behavior.

 

One last piece of advice:  There is no reason to argue all the time.  If you are in a relationship where one participant seems to enjoy arguing about everything (and sometime will disagree for the sole purpose of starting an argument), my advice would be to get out of that relationship RIGHT NOW! The incessant drive to argue indicates a control issue.  What I have found is that people who live to argue are seeking to be the controlling entity in all of their relationships. Disagreements will occur with any relationship. Maturity or lack of maturity is shown in the way the disagreement is dealt with.  Pick your battles carefully.  Ask yourself, “Is this issue worth the potential loss of this relationship?”  With each argument, the relationship IS on ultimately on the line.

Rejoice! How many times does Scripture tell us to ?rejoice?? Rejoicing is a celebration of the goodness of our ALL GLORIOUS Father! Rejoicing is an expression of our heart-filled love for Him. Rejoicing is the result of having a heart and soul that is overflowing with His blessings on us. Rejoicing is the freedom of release that comes from His forgiveness. And yet to some people, rejoicing seems to be the same as eating persimmon pie. To look at these people, one would think that rejoicing and Christ are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I have yet to read in Scripture where we are instructed to go through life as if we are enduring some torturous event. Scripture does not tell us that we are to live as though life is nothing more than an inconvenience. Instead, we are told that we are to celebrate the fact that our journey here is merely temporary, and that when our job here is done Heaven awaits for those who are true believers. Let?s see, on the one hand, life is hard so what is there to rejoice about. Hmmm?.yes, life IS hard. But if your god is so small that you can?t rely on him for strength, then take a look at your god. Sounds like your god is you! The God of the Universe, who created everything from nothing by speaking; who loves me so much that when I call Him I get His UNDIVIDED attention; who loves me so much that He sent His ONLY Son, Jesus Christ, to take my punishment for my sin. This is the God who give me reason to celebrate and rejoice. No matter what this world throws at me, He is always there and nothing gets to me that hasn?t first passed through His Hands. Whatever comes my way, He already knew it before the beginning of time and has already had my protection in place. THAT is reason to celebrate and rejoice! So are you a Rejoicer or one of those Persimmon People!

While driving to work this morning, lost in the moment as I sang along with the radio, I received a real jolt back to reality when my daughter poked me and told me two things: First, according to her sensibilities, I was ?off-key just enough to make dogs howl.? Second, that song I was attempting to sing along with sounded ?like REALLY old (insert rolling eyes here).? When I informed her that the song on the radio was by a groundbreaking group called, The Beatles (the song was ?Penny Lane?), her response was ?Who??. That was like getting hit with those defib paddles! After guiding my careening auto back onto the roadway, we continued our journey in quiet contemplation. Okay, I was contemplating while my daughter was clinging to the dashboard for dear life; I think she finds my driving to be more than a little frightening. I dropped her off at school, and continued on to my dental appointment before work. Again, I was greeted with a jolt that was strong enough to raise the Titanic. I discovered that my dental hygienist was a young lady I used to babysit when I was in high school. And while I am all in favor of courtesy and good manners, to be called ?Mister? and ?Sir? by someone who is now in their early thirties can be a little much. I still remember being asked, ?And what do you want to be when you grow up?? My response then seemed silly to others, but looking back it was very profound, ?Why do I have to grow up?? Now before you write me off as a complete idiot, think about it. Nowhere in Scripture does it way we have to grow up and become stodgy, cranky and irritable! We are instructed to mature in the faith, but that doesn?t mean we have to act as though we are ?cinched up puckered at both ends.? There are those who will quote 1 Corinthians 13:11, ?When I was a child, I spoke as a child and I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.? But remember, just because you put away childish things doesn?t mean that you surrender the passion for living. Far too many people believe that when you reach a certain age all passion for living is supposed to die and we are to become Sour and Dour for the last 2/3 of our lives. Nay, nay, I say! Such should NEVER be the case! If God loves you so passionately that He sacrificed His own Son in your place, who are we to be glum. Even Jesus instructed us to have a child-LIKE faith (not child-ISH). We are to trust Him as a child trusts his parents. One of the things about a light on a hill is that it can be seen from a long way off. Such a light attracts travelers. How can we show the light and life of Christ if we have all the passion of Droopy the Dog? From my own experience I have learned that the aggressive, in-your-face-beating-you-with-the-Bible approach is not the most effective method. Nor is it effective to have someone who looks and acts as if someone had licked all the red off their candy cane, tell about the ?joys? of becoming a Christian. If I might be brutally honest here, the first person I remember trying to share the Gospel with me when I was a child was a dear, now departed saint who at the time looked as if he has been constipated for the last 50 years. How can we express the Joy of Christ if we don?t show it? How can we tell others about the love of Christ if we don?t express it? Being a Christian is not always a bed of rose petals, but not a prison sentence either!