Charlyn Carlson

Everyone longs to give himself to another human being, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says to the Christian...---NO, not until you are ready I know you, my child. Until you discover that only in Me lies your satisfaction, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else. Stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the BEST! Please allow me to bring it to you. You must keep watching me, expecting the greatest things, Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am, keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait. Don't be anxious. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or received from Me. You must keep from looking off and away. Look up to Me or you'll miss the things I want to show you and then, when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would have ever dreamed. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready... I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time... until you are both exclusively for Me and the life I've prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that reflects your relationship with Me -- Perfect Love. Dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love, I want to experience by the flesh a picture of your relationship with me to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you through Myself. Believe, and be satisfied

A story I read in the Breaking Free bible study by Beth Moore brought me to tears as I read it. I want to share it with you. It was her 90th birthday. She didn't plan to live this long. She couldn't help it. She just kept waking up. Her youngest son's spacious home bulged with extended family. She acted surprised by her party as a 90-year-old can act. She cackled to herself. They obviously thought her growing lack of conversation was evidence of a gowing lack of sense. Why would she be surprised? They had thrown her a surprise party for the past 5 years. She guessed they figured she'd forget. What the party really meant was they were surprised she was still alive. Oh, she did love them, though. Every one of them. Pretty bags and bows crowded the coffee table. Now, what in heaven's name was she going to do with a bunch of gifts? And how many pairs of socks does a woman need? But that cake was looking mighty tasty. The great-grandkids had insisted on putting all 90 candles of the cake. The youngest great-granchild grabbed her by the hand. "Come on, Mammie! It's time to blow the candles out." She grinned and asked God to help her keep her teeth in. Time suddenly seemed to freeze. She looked around the room and studied the faces. Life had been good--painful at times, but God had always been faithful. She had been a widow for 23 years. Her last years had been pleasant. Her family made sure of that. But she grew less and less able to participate. She found herself mostly just watching life. The muffled insistence of the impatient five-year-old finally grew clear, "Mammie, COME ON!" Before she could draw a breath, all the little ones blew out the candles. Only blood relatives would have eaten that cake after the spraying it took. Later she sat at her old vanity as her daughter-in-law tenderly took the pins from her wispy, white hair. She stared in the yellowed mirror. When had she gotten so old? Where had the years gone? Her daughter-in-law brushed the strands gently, chattering incessantly about the evening. As she helped her with her gown and tucked her in, the old woman felt so weary. Her body hurt just to lie down. The soft mattress seemed to swallow her frame. She rested her slight weight and stared at the stars out the window. She heard the familiar sound of the 10:00 train going over the bridge and nearly shivered as she remembered her baptism in those cold waters underneath. She smiled and voiced a good-night prayer to the Savior she had loved since childhood. She didn't say much. "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you." Almost before she could close her eyes, deep sleep overtook her. Suddenly, her slumber was startled by the most beautiful voice she had ever heard, coming from a man standing over her. "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! 'The winter is past; the rains are over and gone...the season of singing has come.'" Beauty instead of ashes. Growing older. Strange that my birthday is tomorrow (8/15). It is amazing how fast the time goes. 90 years old is not all that far away when you really come down to it. I think back on my life and what I have accomplished so far. It may not be a whole lot right now, but my walk with Jesus has come full circle and that is the best accomplishment that I will ever have. Money and career aren't everything in life. Those things will pass away. Our walk with the Lord is everything. Jesus has done so much for us, isn't it time we did more for Him?

The Princess Bride I am a princess of the most-high King Though you might not see my crown And my dress may seem a plain ole thing though in His eyes it's a royal gown I belong to the Kingdom of Righteousness A daughter through the blood of the Lamb My bridegroom is the fairest in all the earth He is the son of the Great I Am He's enthralled with my beauty Though it's hard for me to see That the creator of the universe Could be in love with me! Sometimes I forget I'm His royal heir I feel unworthy to be His bride But he whispers of the tiara in my hair His voice filled with love and pride Then I glance once again at my image But it's His beauty alone I see The girl in the mirror becomes a princess The princess just happens to be me So I dance in my gown of forgiveness It's pure and lovely and white I bow to my King and my Master as He says, "What a heavenly sight!"

After the death of my father I began to look for love in all the wrong places. When I look back on a relationship I had, he was sort of like a father-type figure to me. He taught me to drive a stick shift, he taught me there was different churches out there as well as different styles of christian music. When he told me that he needed space and I took it differently, it was like my died all over again. I was able to get closure on that, in 1998 I went down to see a friend and decided that I was going to go see where my dad was buried (I hadn't been there since he died). When I went I reinacted the entire funeral. I knew the exact place I sat at the funeral and watched them take him out of the chapel and put him into this wall. Then I sat there and talked to him. I noticed that there was room for someone else to be buried with my dad. When I left I was bound and determined I wanted to be buried there. Surprisingly I made it back to my brother's house. When I moved down to So. Cal I went and seen my dad all the time. So that was some closure for me because the more times I went and saw him the more I got my feelings out in the open. When I moved to Tennessee that is when I started the Falling in Love with Jesus study by Kathy Troccoli and Dee Brestin. That is truly what changed my life. God has set eternity in our hearts (ECCL 3:11). This longing that we feel is not longings for this world. God has set this in our hearts for Him. He wants us to long for Him just as he longs for us. Even though people may leave you Jesus will never leave you or forsake you. Whenever you need someone to hold you and kiss you, just open the Word of God and He will speak to you. According to rabbinical tradition a kiss from the king is a living word from scripture. When a verse leaps out at you and you have the sense that God has spoken personally to you, you have been kissed by the King. I have experienced it first hand and it is like nothing else in this world. He is the bridegroom who woos, wins and weds.

I cry, Let my lover come into His garden... Song of Solomon 4:16b He replies, I have come into my garden my sister, my bride. Song of Solomon 5:1a. Jesus is here as I sit in His garden. I sit and gaze at His beauty and see His life represented in this place. I know that the Lord is everywhere, but when you get out into this place of tranquility we see Him clearer and know that He loves us. I Love you O Lord my strength. Psalms 18:1. One thing I ask of the Lord this is what I seek that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to see Him in His temple. Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. Psalms 36:5-6a. O God you are my God earnestly I seek you my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalms 63:1. The Lord has been so good to me. I haven't arrived at perfection and never will but with Gods help I can surely do anything. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I am weak but He is strong. My Lord and my God I can?t get enough of you! Help me remember what I am feeling at this minute. Help me not forget that you are everything I need. This world will always let us down, but you O Lord never will. Lord, I know I have let you down in so many ways, please forgive me. Help me to delight to sit in your shade always, and let your fruit (Word of God) be sweet. Help me not fall from your side again. I really do love you Lord, please help me show it by loving others. How lovely is your dwelling place O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. Psalms 84:1-2 Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you. Psalms 84:10-12.